Yay!! I got a job!! Help!!

I had an interview at JcPenney on Tuesday afternoon and I got the job. Yay me! I was so excited. I just have to wait untill the background check comes in. By October seventh, I should be able to start training.  The only concern that I have is that i will have less time to spend with my daughter and my grandmother will have her more which isn't real good for her. I have been looking for some kind of daycare, preschool, or church program to put Lana in for two or three days a week. I haven't had much luck. I seriously need some help finding a great place for Lana to go. I can't leave her just anywhere. I found a couple of churches with preschool programs but they are too expensive for me to pay. I can only afford so much. This will be my first job since I got pregnant. I am a single mother and will be working part time making minimum wage. It's not a lot but it's a start.  I am lucky enough to have family to help me out, but I told them that they've done enough. Paying for Lana's daycare is something that I want to do on my own even if it means that I won't have any money left over to pay my car insurance, buy lunch, buy gas, or any other necessity that Lana or I would need. I hate asking somebody to get something for me. I feel better if I can at least work it off. With my grandparents, they are not able to get out and do yard work or much housework. I will work off money that they spend on me either in the yard, in the house, or in the office. It's going to be hard for the next couple of months. Pray for me.

I am writing this blog when I should be...

I am writing this blog when I should be spending quality time with my daughter and cleaning. I don't get to spend as much time with my baby girl like I used to because I am now going to school. If I get one of the jobs that I have an interview for next week, I will have even less time to spend with her. She has become a lot smarter since we've been here. She loves to help people clean which is something else I should be doing right now. I should be doing dishes, putting clothes away, cleaning Lana's messes, and putting her toys away. Two things I really dislike are washing dishes and putting clothes away. I much prefer a dishwasher, and if you have one, use it. I can wash and dry laundry all day long, but when it comes to putting them where they go, I will put it off forever. It takes me at least three to five days to actually put clothes away. Lana does like to make messes, but she is two. It's not that bad, though. I normally just clean as she messes and pick up toys as she's finished with them. She's old enough now that she will pick up after herself when I tell her to. She is a good girl but has her moments.

In January, I was...

In January, I was in the process of being passed back and forth between family members. I was kind of like a rag doll in that department. It was mainly because of my daughter. Everyone wants the little sweetie to stay and visit for a little while. I lived with my mom in Williston before I moved up here with my grandparents to go to college, and I would have to come up here and stay for a couple weeks every other month or so. It was starting to get annoying, but now that I'm going to college, I don't have to worry about that. My parents have to come up here if they want to see Lana. I might go down there when the semester is over before Christmas. I haven't really figured it out yet. If I can get a job, I might not have time to go visit, but that all depends on IF I get a job. I don't have time to be anyone's rag doll now, and that makes me smile. I'm free to be me.

Life takes some funny twists and turns...

There are things that happen in life that you would never expect. One weird little twist and turn that recently happened to me deals with two old friends of mine from high school in Mississippi. Two weeks ago, my friend, Tony, sent me a message on facebook apologizing for something he did wrong to me like four or five years ago. He said that everytime he came home on leave from the military, he stopped by my old house and just sat there trying to muster up the courage to knock on the door. He did that about twice a year until he finally realized that I didn't live there anymore. Last week, my other friend, Brandi, also sent me a message on facebook apologizing for something that she thought she did wrong. It was actually her friend who did it wrong and not her, but it was nice to hear an apology for it. After these two people did these things to me, for some reason they just didn't talk to me at all after that until now. Now it's like they won't stop talking to me. I thought it was really weird to have not one but two people in two weeks apologize to me and wanted to be friends again. Life throws unexpected twists and turns your way; you have to be on the lookout for them. You never know when they will cross your path.

Sometimes I Feel Like A.....

Sometimes I feel like a bad mother. My daughter will be playing with something she's not supposed to and I'm in the middle of cooking or doing homework. I try to tell her not to do it but she keeps on, so I try to tell her again in a firm voice. Though, sometimes it sounds like I'm raising my voice at her. I really hate having to play the roles of both parents. I want to be the good one; not the one who makes her take her medicine, says she has to eat at least half of her food, has to discipline her, or says she can't have anymore sweets because she's already had too much. I know she gets mad at me for making her do things that she doesn't like, but I also know that she loves me unconditionally. I just wish I could feel better about having to be firm with her while teaching her what's right and wrong, how to listen to adults and do what they say, and how to eat right and clean up after herself. It's getting a little easier to do these things now that she is getting older and knows the basics of what she needs to. I hate having to discipline her, though. That will never get easier.